Monday, 24 December 2012

Wishing You A Cool Yule

Emphasis on the cool.

Madame Menopause would like to wish her readers (all three of you...) a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year. Thanks for reading this little blog. Hopefully it's raised a smile, if not been particularly instructive, or some of it has been recognisable to you, and at least you know that you're not the only one on this part of the womanhood [warning: shockingly hackneyed and overused word coming up] journey [urgh, I'm so sorry! Maybe I'll get a new thesaurus for Christmas?].

May 2013 be kind to you.  Enjoy Christmas Day and remember, you only have to see most of those people once a year so paste a smile on and suck it up.  If I can, so can you!

Remember: Eat, drink and be merry. For tomorrow, we diet.

Wear your best festive pants!

Stay safe. Be kind, to yourself and to others. Take care on the roads. Don't throw anything at anybody. Make sure you get a good pash from someone at midnight on New Year's Eve.

And don't take any shit from anybody, okay?

Until 2013, when we meet again, dear readers (all three of you).  Cheers!

Friday, 7 December 2012

What is that smell?

When I was pregnant with my son a somewhat astonishing sixteen years ago (I swear it was only about five years, tops), my sense of smell went into overdrive.

I could smell coffee brewing two kilometres away.  I could smell rain in the air before the weather bureau gave the day's forecast. But most of all I could smell myself.  I became acutely aware of every fragrance my body was capable of giving off and therefore assumed everyone else could too.  I became quite anxious about it, convinced that everyone around me was just being polite by not mentioning it.  In short, I was quite sure that I stunk.  My doctor told me it was hormonal and not to worry about it.

Of course I didn't stink* and like everything else about pregnancy, it went away (except for the kid, he keeps hanging around) and my sense of smell returned to normal.

Until now.  I've tried to ignore it but can't any more. My sense of smell is once again on high alert only it's a little different this time.  This time my hyper-olfactory sense is confined to me.  Yep, once again I am horribly aware of myself and am once again convinced that I pong like a full nappy left in the laundry.

What's going on? I'm clean. I shower every day, sometimes twice a day.  I use deodorant.  I'm not particiularly active.  So why am I always aware lately of a sweaty pong emanating from my armpits? And as for when I squat down to do something...well, let's not even go there but let's just say that it's a lot better if I am actually wearing knickers and pants.

So why the whiffiness? Do I really stink? Is it hormone induced? Will it stop? Is this 'part of the process'? Will I end up cleaning myself obsessively eight times a day in an effort to reduce the smell? Or am I just going mad?

I still haven't had a period so I'm heading towards that 12 month finish line much easily than I thought I would, but I could really do without this animal aroma I seem to be giving off lately.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to have a shower.

* or did I?